An Open Letter To Shoppers At The Malls In Midland And Odessa
Summer is here.. Maybe you've been thinking about doing some shopping and getting some new clothes that fit better, or are just looking for a new 'look'. There's nothing better than going to the mall to look around in nice indoor, climate-controlled comfort... Where there are plenty of sitting areas to take a break, and plenty of places in the food court to grab a bite or a quick drink. I'm a kid of the '80s so I *Love* going to the mall. And we are fortunate here in West Texas to have a couple of really nice ones. Here's the thing though: if you're going, there are some RULES that are unspoken that you'll need to keep in mind. No, they won't be anything that will be enforced by Paul Blart, Mall Cop cruising the corridors on his Segway... But the rest of the world will appreciate you for following along.
#1. DON'T SAUNTER. OR TRUDGE. OR PLOD.
DEFINITION: TO WALK SLOWLY, WITHOUT ANY EFFORT OR HURRY.
It may be a relaxing thing for you to hit the mall, walk at a turtle's pace and look at every single thing in store windows, imagining what you'd look like wearing it. But most of us don't want to spend an entire day attempting to head to the next store, so please stay to the side and let us PASS.
#2. YOU'VE BROUGHT THE WHOLE FAMILY--DON'T 'FAN OUT' WHEN YOU STROLL.
There's nothing worse than leaving Dillards, trying to get down the way to Starbucks to get a drink, and then hit Bath and Bodyworks... Only to have a family of 6 walking all fanned-out across the corridor so you can't get past them, sauntering along (see #1) looking at every storefront. MOVE OVER or stay in a SINGLE FILE LINE. I don't want to have to fight and jostle to get around you and your group. This isn't a scene from the opening of a Monkees tv episode.
#3. DON'T JUST RANDOMLY *STOP*
This isn't a Vanilla Ice Video so it's not time to collaborate and listen. It's NOT Hammer Time, and you're not doing it in the name of love... You're doing it because something's caught your attention and you're staring. Again, MOVE OVER. Don't just STOP--walk to the side and THEN you can stop and stare.
4. KEEP THE KIDDOS CLOSE
I didn't come to the mall to help you babysit your kids, and neither did anyone else. Please keep them under control, don't allow them to run around like wild horses on the ranch, or to scream like banshees at each other so that the rest of us go diving for the Advil in the glove box or our wive's purses. We appreciate you!
5. WATCH WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH THAT STROLLER!
I like my toes and my feet and ankles just fine in the shape they are currently in... Please watch where you're going so we don't collide in the crowd and that changes.
Proper etiquette is important so that we all can enjoy a day of looking and shopping without any hassles. Let's all think of others when we go, and happy shopping!