“What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”

William Shakespeare wrote this dialogue centuries ago for Romeo and Juliet.

The meaning of the line is, "Names are irrelevant".

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When it comes to the 2022 College Football All-Name Team, Shakespeare's belief of a name being inconsequential can fall on deaf ears.

Ten years ago, Keegan Michael Key and Jordan Peele aired a ridiculously funny sketch on their former hit comedy show Key & Peele, satirizing player intros with absurd names.

This season, Twitter user @FightOnRusty put together the list of the 2022 College Football All-Name Team by position.

If any one of these names had appeared in the Key & Peele sketch from 10 years ago, they would've fit right in.

It's a difficult list to crack.

Players such as Baer Hunter from Appalachian State and Kyndrich Breedlove from Ole Miss couldn't even make it.

Here's the complete rundown:

  • Quarterback: General Booty, Oklahoma
  • Running Back: Tank Bigsby, Auburn
  • Running Back: Djouvensky Schlenbaker, Washington State
  • Wide Receiver: Boogie Knight, ULM
  • Wide Receiver: Boobie Curry, Buffalo
  • Wide Receiver: Decoldest Crawford, Nebraska
  • Tight End: Jaeger Bull, Wake Forest
  • Offensive Lineman: Dylan Deatherage, Western Michigan
  • Offensive Lineman: Wing Green, Georgia Tech
  • Offensive Lineman: Tiger Shanks, UNLV
  • Offensive Lineman: Panda Askew, Charlotte
  • Offensive Lineman: Malaesala Aumavae-Laulu, Oregon
  • Defensive Lineman: Shitta Sillah, Boston College
  • Defensive Lineman: Demon Clowney, Ole Miss
  • Defensive Lineman: Blazen Lono-Wong, Arizona State
  • Defensive Lineman: Fish McWilliams, UAB
  • Linebacker: Buck Coors, Wyoming
  • Linebacker: Hot Rod Fitten, South Carolina
  • Linebacker: Bumper Pool, Arkansas
  • Defensive Back: Storm Duck, North Carolina
  • Defensive Back: Kool-Aid McKinstry, Alabama
  • Defensive Back: Ephesians Prysock, Arizona
  • Defensive Back: Major Burns, LSU

The East/West Shrine game sketch from 2012 was so popular, Key & Peele did several follow-ups to it.

Each one was a bit more over the top than the original, and none of them were as good. It still makes me laugh though.


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